December 17, 2009

Quote of the day: "When you think your world is crashing down, remember that life goes on. And maybe, just maybe, it will be for the better."

Sometimes life sucks. If there is one thing that I have learned, life isn't going to be wonderful all of the time. It's going to hurt and it's going to suck. Sometimes, you might just want it to end all together. But no matter what, we have to keep going. We have to keep living and learning and making mistakes. Sometimes we have to trudge through the mud before we can get to the can get to the ground. And all the trudging teaches us to enjoy it while we're walking on the land. 

In my life, well, in my 16 years I have lived so far, I have learned so many lessons. And one of the hardest to learn is that friends come and go. You might think that it's the end of the world when you have a falling out with a friend, but you have to learn that if it's meant to be, somehow the person will find a way to stay in your life. If your friend can accept you after everything you've been through, I consider that a true friend. But if a friend gives up on you because of a few fights or a some rough patches, then they didn't deserve you anyway. 

Sorry this post is so short. :( I will right more soon. 

For now, 

B. 

December 11, 2009

Quote of the day : "Fall in love or fall in hate. Get inspired or be depressed. Ace a test or flunk a class. Make babies or make art. Speak the truth or lie and cheat. Dance on tables or sit in the corner. Life is divine chaos. Embrace it. Forgive yourself. Breathe. And enjoy the ride..." - Solbeam

One of the hardest things to live with in life is hurting the people you love. Whether it was intentional or unintentional, it still burns a hole in your heart than can be patched over, but never really gets whole again. In the end, you're still left with a hole in your heart. When you're young, you often do things, horrible things, without even thinking. You might think they won't have that bad of an outcome or you might think that they won't hurt anyone, and when they do, you have two choices: either think "Oh well, it's not like I did it on purpose" or you can accept the consequences that come with making decisions without thinking. If we lose someone out of our life forever because of our decisions, we're just going to have to live with that. Because we often act without thinking, we can lifelong consequences.

I have hurt and lost many people in my life due to acting without thinking. I might have thought that the decision I made wasn't that dramatic, but it turned to have a dramatic outcome. It turned out to completely lose someone or lose their trust. And 99% of the time, that decision could have been preventable. That's the worst part: that this whole thing could have been prevented!!!

To the people I have lost in my life, the people I have hurt, and the people I still want to keep in my life: I am sorry. I am sorry for not thinking when I did what I did, I am sorry I didn't think of how all of this would affect you. I am sorry for being so selfish and only thinking of myself. I love you and I didn't want you to leave/I want you to stay. Thank you for being my friend, and I hope I can make it up to you somehow in the future!!

Enough with the sap, I am very excited about Christmas. And because it's Christmas, I want to send out a message to all of my friends and family and other important people in my life: THANK YOU FOR BEING MY FRIEND AND I LOVE YOU ALL VERY DEARLY! HAVE A WONDERFUL HOLIDAY SEASON!

Best wishes,

B.

December 10, 2009

Quote of the day: "Realize what's important in your life. What you can live with, and what you can't live without." 

Hey readers! Life is going great for me. If there is one thing I love, it's the Christmas season! Coming in from the freezing cold with soaking wet shoes, the house constantly smelling of baking, and lots of love to go around! Our Christmas tree is put up, but it's still empty underneath. As I have stated many times, my family is convinced we're not "celebrating" Christmas this year. Well, isn't that a load of crap? Christmas doesn't have to have presents. But skipping it all together is beyond ridiculous!!! 

My favorite part of the Christmas season is definitely being with my family. My family is loud, crazy, obnoxious, and never disappoints! Especially my dad. I am a spitting image of my dad. I used to be in denial. I used to say, "Oh, whatever, I am nothing like dad!" But the older I get, the more I realize just how much like him I really am! Here's a quote from one of my dad's favorite songs, "Who I Am" by Jessica Andrews: 

I am Rosemary's granddaughter

The spitting image of my father

And when the day is done

My momma is still my biggest fan

Sometimes I'm clueless and I'm clumsy

But I've got friends who love me

And they knew just where I stand

It's all a part of me

And that's who I am 

I am more like my father than I can ever explain. And this year, I am going to stop denying it! 

Holiday wishes, 

B. 

December 9, 2009

Quote of the day: "Live the life you want to live. Be the person you want to remember. Make decisions, make mistakes. If you fall, at least you tried." 

Yay, for snow! There are inches and inches of snow. I was just discussing with my friends the terms the weather has to meet in order for there to be a snow day. The person in charge of cancelling school is from Alaska!!! We're never going to have another snow day ever again. Needless to say, many people skipped school today. Nearly 5 people in my first hour are missing! They say if parents call and complain, they might give us the day off. I am frightened to go outside. It is blizzarding!

With all this snow, boy am I in the Christmas spirit! Although three quarters of my family are convinced we're not celebrating Christmas this year, I believe we should! Even without gifts, Christmas is still something that should be celebrated. I know it sounds cheesy, but it's the one time of year when we can spend time with our family and eat tons of food and just be merry! At this age, the last thing any teenager wants to do is spend more than the necessary hour and a half they might have to spend in the presence with their family each day. Some kids only see their parents for an hour and a half each week! That's crazy! I spend several hours every day with my parents and I must say, I quite enjoy it! My parents are good people, and just because I'm an "all-knowing" teenager doesn't mean I can't appreciate them! 

So, here's some advice for fellow young bloggers out there: enjoy your family while they're here. You don't know how long you've got. It may not be cool to bond with your parents, but you're more like them than you think. 

For now, 

B. 

December 7, 2009

Quote of the day: "Friendship is not seen through the eyes, but through the heart." 

This weekend was not one I am particularly happy about. I spent the whole weekend sick, fighting with my parents, and sleeping whenever I could. I downed meds over and over, yet I still feel sick as a dog. What a drag... I was pretty excited that we finally got snow, because it is warmer when there is snow than when there isn't! Hopefully I will get to hit Pebble Creek to snowboard over Christmas break. 

20 days til my 17th birthday! 18 days til Christmas! Although I am not expecting many gifts this Christmas season -- because everybody in our family is convinced we're not celebrating Christmas -- I am still hoping for the second season of Gossip Girl! (Aka: the second best show on the planet, very closely behind Vampire Diaries.) But I want a Wii Fit more than anything. It seems like so much darn fun! 

As I am watching my ex-crush throw himself all over my best friend, I can't help but laugh. I probably would be broken hearted right now if I was my normal self, but I've been reading this fantastic book written by Matt Titus and Tamsen Fadal that is putting everything in a new perspective for me. The normal me would march right over there and try to stop the flirting, but I am not my normal self anymore. I really think I am starting let go of this whole "single" dilemma. I would normally be ANGRY that I don't have a boyfriend, and the guy that I wanted as my boyfriend is hitting on my BFF, but now I am laughing! Funny how that works out, huh?

"Why Hasn't He Called?" is a truly hilarious book that doesn't beat around the bush when it comes to the truth about guys. It is written by a husband and a wife that don't pull the old "he's intimidated by you" card when a guy isn't calling. They flat out say, "He's not interested; find someone else." My father makes fun of me for reading these silly books, but I love them! Especially this book. I would recommend it to any girl facing some relationship dilemmas. 

Just like every Christmas, my mom invented a new cookie recipe this weekend, there's snow on the ground, and I am officially wearing a scarf. With beads on it. I hope you'll keep reading my blog as it gets closer to Christmas -- who knows what will happen! ;)

xoxo,

B. 

December 4, 2009

Quote of the day: "Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you. You just have to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley

For about 3 years, I thought God was punishing me. In elementary school, I had this persona that I was better than everyone and I got every waking thing that I wanted. Then I spent 3 years watching everyone get exactly what they wanted, while I got nothing. It was a tragic thing to live through. Truth is, I barely did. 

So you see, I thought that 3 years of complete torture was God (if there is a God) punishing me for the way I acted before. How could my life turn completely around like that? Just like we wonder what happens after death, or why things happen the way they do, Brianna Rausch blamed God. 

I have a good life. I go to school everyday from 8:30 to 3:30, come home and do chores and homework, and then I write. Actually, most of the time I write and then I do chores, but you get the picture. I have a routine. Almost every day has the same routine, but not every day is the same. Every day is unique, but it still has the same routine. If you start off with the same ingredients for chicken noodle soup, that doesn't mean that every soup you make with that recipe will taste exactly the same, right?

Anyway, my point is... I truly do have a lot of things in my life to be thankful for. But as a teenager, nothing is good enough for me. I wished I was thinner or that my parents would let me do more things or that I wish my family had more money. In the end, I just end up wishing and wishing for things that I don't have. My family says to just be happy with what I have, because I already have a lot more than most people. But, like a teenager, it's never enough for me. You could have all the money and privileges in the world but that still won't guarantee you happiness. I can complain every single waking minute about not having a boyfriend -- which I do! -- but that won't make me happy. In the end, you do have to be happy with what you have because all the wishing in the world won't make a difference. Only you can make a difference. 

Today is Friday, my favorite day of the week. I am going to go home and do chores and eat food and then take a nice long nap. (If nobody interrupts me, that is.) I will blog more on Monday, December 7. 

For now, 

B. 

December 3, 2009

Quote of the day: "All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them." - Walt Disney

Hello everyone! It's another day in my blog. Today is Thursday, which means it is one day closer to the weekend (my favorite part of the week!). Last night I realized something I never had before... I used to get so angry that my brother, R1, was dating my friend, A2. I used to think that he cared more about her than he did me, which is, unfortunately, the truth. But how can I be jealous because my brother is happy? I mean, just because she is my friend and he is my brother doesn't mean they can't have a chance at happiness, right? 

One thing that has been bugging me for several years is this: why do the guys that I like always have to like my friends? It's ridiculous! What do my friends have that I'm lacking? People say I should be mad at my friends, but my friends can't help it if the guys that I like like my friends instead, right? I could sit here and be mad that my hair is red or that my eyes are brown, but that doesn't mean they will change colors. Just the same as I can't be mad at my friend that he likes her. 

Having friends when you're 16 is complicated. A lot of the time, you never know who your true friends are until they're gone. The sad thing about having friends at this age is that they're not very forgiving and if you make one mistake -- intentional or unintentional -- they're gone from your life forever. I tend to make myself very attached to friends, and when they're gone, I don't let go easily. My friend told me the other day, "If I cared for someone once, I will always care for them." I thought that was brilliant, because it matched my feelings exactly. You think that if someone in your life hurt you, you have to hold a grudge against them, but that's not always the case. I had a fallout earlier this year with a dear friend and I was thrown out of her life forever. I convinced myself that I needed to HATE her, yet I still found myself stalking her Myspace page and wishing I was still in her life. It's not a bad thing to still care about someone, even if they hurt you. And that was what I convinced myself was wrong. But now that I openly still care about her and wish we were friends doesn't make me any lesser of a person than if I didn't think about her every day and hated her guts. It's okay to feel the way I feel, and a huge load was lifted off my back when my friend told me that. 

In life, there are no guarantees, no promises. Nothing is promised before it happens. You're not promised you'll come out of everything unscathed. Everything that happens to us in our lives helps us become who we are. We often wish we could go back and change things, or that some things had never happened at all. I have lived for years with heavy regrets holding me down, keeping me from living my life. But the things in our past are there for a reason, and they turn out to be what makes us who we are. If some of the things in my past hadn't happened, who's to say I wouldn't be a worse person today? Life has no promises. You never know how long you're going to live. So enjoy today and never let the things in your past drag into your future, because they're there for a reason. 

For now, 

B. 

December 2, 2009

Quote of the day: "If it's not worth dying for, then what is left to live for?" - Martin Luther King, Jr. 

Hey everyone! Today is my first official day of blogging. I was talked into it by my mom, but it turns out I might actually love it! 

Alright, so here are a few things about me. I am 16 years old, I still live at home, and I am in high school. I don't want to reveal too much because it's the internet and you never know who reads these things. Writing is my passion, I have been writing since I was 3 years old. It's the one thing I love no matter what, and it can always cheer me up when I am down. It's my escape. 

My life is not a fairy tale. I have 3 siblings: E1, C1, and R1 (for their protection); and two best friends, A1 and A2. I also have 4 dogs and 2 parents and 2 arms and 2 legs... the list goes on and on. 

Some future plans for my life: I hope to go to college and major in English Literature and Journalism. I would like to eventually become a novelist, but it is also on my bucket list to write for Seventeen magazine, most likely the most popular teenage girl's magazine in the world. What a goal! I am also trying to lose some weight -- me and every other teenage girl -- so my health can once more become balanced. 

I received word today that a fellow classmate of mine, Ryleigh Thomason, passed away. R.I.P. 

In case you haven't noticed, I am pretty random. I linger off subject quite a bit, but it's who I am. My writing is who I am. It's my life, the air I breathe, the thing that makes me... well, me. 

I hope you'll keep reading my blog. (It will get more interesting, I promise!) 

For now,

B.